The Wharf; New York, NY

                                                                   Shown Actual size


Bowl: standard size bowl, clean 4/5


Area: I understand that space is at a premium in NYC but when the bathroom is so small that you feel like any sudden move is going to have you crash through the door is not good. It was moderately tidy butat this size you would pretty much have to try hard to not keep it clean.  1/5

Intangibles: Because it is so small there is no way you will have a pop in because if you did you would be pissing on each other 5/5

Final Verdict: If it were larger you could probably spend some quality time in this crapper but the feeling of claustrophobia hits quickly when you are standing to pee and your ass hits the door. So let's leave this as a In and Out kind of joint but on the higher side of the scale.

Bridget's Public House: Staten Island, New York

You can't use a new bowl in an old shit box.


Location: Across from bar, before steps

Bowl: Looks brand new. Look at that shitter it is gleaming. 5/5

Area: From the above picture you would think that it wouldn't be too bad. Unfortunately some pictures lie, behold the horror...















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No paper towels,I think the bottle next to what appears to be a bug trap is soap, something that appears to be a bug trap, a urinal that would give you a shy bladder and just an overall feel of a campsite bathroom. I wouldn't go to the bathroom with your equipment in here. 0/5


Intangibles: So shitty you are forced to go home, thus ensuing you don't spend too much money or get too drunk. So it's got that going for it. 0/5

Final Verdict: For all it's solitary plus of actually having a clean bathroom, the fact that it is disgusting forces you and everyone else you know to HOLD IT on this one. Of course this rule doesn't count for me since I have used it numerous times and I never felt quite right after doing so.

Dakota Roadhouse: Downtown Manhattan

All tile, porcelain is nice and gleaming white, little area to do your business...so what is wrong here?

well first the little area is just that, as it is inside a 3 and a half foot wall with no door on it and...

No lock on the actual bathroom door! What a disaster.


Location: In back of bar located just behind a pool table so if anyone is playing pool they will know exactly what you are doing.

Bowl: Sparkling, I think this was because no one would feel too comfortable using it or maybe it was because the bar was dead. 5/5

Area: very clean but no privacy negates any goodwill that the cleanliness has provided. Why would a bar do this? 0/5

Intangibles: No lock on door, no privacy, sink located right next to the wall to destroy what dignity you did have left. 0/5

Final Verdict: I don't think you need my advice on this one as most people would be able to decide for themselves if they wanted to do the deuce here but if you have to ask, this is clearly a Hold It!

Brooklyn Brewery: Williamsburg, Brooklyn

One site of this and you have to wonder, what kind of desperate man would actually use a public bathroom at all?

Location: In back of Brewery behind the bar area.

Bowl: Piss covered...literally. If you look you can actually see the reservoir of urine at the back lip of the bowl. Thank god they don't technically serve food at the brewery. No back on the seat may actually be a blessing here. 0/5

Area: Nothing says inviting like stone floors. All in all unspectacular but it had no peak-a-boo cracks in the door which is a nice touch. 1/5

Intangibles: Smelled like piss, floors looked to be covered in piss and overall a blah experience. 1/5

Final Verdict: Really I don't have to look to deep here since THE TOILET IS COVERED IN PISS!!!! So here is a hint, don't fucking take a deuce here and just Hold it! Hell there has to be an alley close enough to get your business done.

Seacrets Resort: Ocean City, Maryland

The Horror, the absolute horror of this bowl makes my ass clench.

LOCATION: By the entrance close to Reggae stage

Bowl: Dirty, small and no back to the seat lead to an uncomfortable experience. The automatic flusher is a nice touch so that you don't have to touch anyone else's fecal residue. 0/5

Area: Rather cramped and again it is quite dirty, I mean look at that floor. Besides that, what you don't see is are the flies that fly around you which is a sure sign of a place where I can not get comfortable to do my business. 0/5

Intangibles: The shelf behind the toilet is a nice touch so you can rest your beer (as pictured above) and it could be used for a nice magazine rack if it were located at a bar/restaurant that did such things. The pole is not pleasant especially if you are drunk and look to it to regain from a drunken stumble as it could lead to splinters. The door (not pictured as I was walked in on by a person who worked at this establishment which forced me to flee quickly) was not flush with the walls which led to some sight lines for people to peak in on you, again uncomfortable. Finally, this is an outdoor bathroom close to a bar area (about 10 feet away from a bar) which is fine but the outer door (again not pictured) has opening at the top and bottom so if you are blowing ass you could also be blowing your chances with the hot girl at the bar, not fun. 1/5

Final Verdict: There really are no pluses here and way to many negatives so please hold it in. Is it worth the embarrassment or feeling dirty for sitting on this tattered throne when there are so many dark alley ways you can pop a squat in?