Applebee's; Staten Island, New York (New Dorp Location)

                                    The dark fury of an unkempt bathroom


This isn't so much a review of the toilet and the stall it resides in as it is for the bathroom itself and really there isn't much to say that the picture doesn't.

This was taken about 6 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon in a not necessarily packed Applebee's restaurant and yet no one could take care of this disgusting bathroom? This is only the tip of the iceberg too. There were more papers under the sink, paper towels were jammed in the automatic feeder and the toilet was used...USED! Disgusting.

Needless to say you should probably hold it if you hit this Applebee's and that is going to be hard because personally, if I eat their food it isn't staying with me for the whole ride home.

Double tree Hotel; Tarrytown, NY

Some signs make you wonder why they are there to begin with.


This was sent to me by my friend and friend of the blog Brian, he saw this picture and knew it needed to find it's way onto this page. Because of this I don't have a full review but I will do my best.

Location: In the main lobby

Bowl: Lacking 0/5

Area: Looks very clean and the sign appears to be put on straight 5/5

Intangibles: If you can't find humor in a sign like this then you sir have no sense of humor 5/5

Final Verdict: Really you have to Hold it when it comes to this bathroom but I wonder if some drunk guy missed the sign completely and necessitated the move by management to put up this warning sign. It is really a health and safety move anyway, piss on the floor is not very hygienic and without a wet floor sign, it is an accident liability as well.

Staten Island Ferry (JFK Boat); New York harbor

I believe the toilet from Trainspotting has met its match

Location: First floor on the JFK boat, men's room

Bowl: It is missing the seat! I mean the review is over at this point but I guess we can continue, if you dare. 0/5

Area: Umm, there is no door so no privacy, the tp holder is a chain, there is NO door but it is very airy which is nice. 0/5

Intangibles: The sinks are nasty but you wouldn't use the bathroom here anyway so why would you use the sink? There are also no cowboy hats but there is no seat on the stall so there is no place for one? Oh, and it stinks! 0/5

Final Verdict: Are you still reading this with any sort of suspense? Hold it, don't even think about it and try not to even walk past it for it may haunt your nightmares for the rest of your life.

Waldorf Astoria; New York, NY

Class means never using the toilet for a #2

This is part 1, next we will have the ladies room which I hear is amazing but have not seen the pictures yet.

Location: First floor lobby area, close to 50th street

Bowl: Clean and small but with paper everywhere. Apparently someone wanted a bunch of free cowboy hats from the big city. 3/5

Area: The toilet covers where a mess and it looks like many were put back in the box making them unusable because who knows what was in there before me putting them back in the box. The area was also kind of tight and huge gaping opening for anyone to check you out while you were doing your business, not exactly a welcoming feeling.  Everything was in beautiful marble though. 1/5

Intangibles: Now what we don't see here is that the sink area is absolutely magnificent. Possibly the most beautiful sink area I have seen in a public bathroom ever. The soap was soap and not watered down, everything was immaculately clean and marble everywhere. I think i am in love. 5/5

Final verdict:  I actually believe that they made the bathrooms this beautiful and an non functional just so you will book a room there to check out what the room bathrooms look like. Unfortunately I don't have answers for this and can only say that the men out there better hold it when they come to this bathroom. 

Tropicana Casino and Hotel: Atlantic City, NJ

I believe there is a Kenny Rogers song about a bathroom like this

Location: Back of casino close to the penny slots, go figure

Bowl: As you can see from the video above, it appears that someone was so drunk they thought they could pull a double decker on a bowl with no tank on the back of it. The results...shot on the back of the bowl. Also the mettle appears to be rusted, or is that shit as well? 0/5

Area: underwhelming, tight, plenty of peep hole cracks which would have led to an uncomfortable session. 2/5

Intangibles: The soap was watered down, not just one of the soap stations either as I spent a great amount of time at this casino and all of them were like this. Besides that it was an average bathroom. 1/5

Final Verdict: I just figured out the title of the song is "The Gambler" and while he may have been talking about holding cards, when it comes to this bathroom you better just Hold It in.

Borgata Hotel, Casino & Spa: Atlantic City, NJ

Sometimes a beautiful picture from a far is ugly up close

Location: My hotel room on the 21st floor

Bowl: as the video shows, yellow piss stains mark a somewhat small bowl. Added bonus is that it is a low flow bowl making flushing it so much fun. 0/5

Area: It would have been better minus the hair and pee stain, this caused an issue because the toilet paper roll could not stay on it's holder so I may have wiped my ass with a hairy or piss covered piece of tp a few times. On a sunnier note, the toilet is in a separate area which is convenient if someone wants to take a shower or use the sink. 1/5

Inatngabiles: We asked them to clean the bathroom 3 times without andy action taken by the staff. We found makeup on a towel but there was a phone in the throne room! 1/5

Final Verdict:This is supposed to be a nice Casino especially by Atlantic City standards but when you want to use a toilet seat protector you know that you are better off just holding it until you can find a cleaner one at another casino.

Stella Marina Restaurant: Asbury Park, NJ

Why did I forget my Camera?

I apologize for a lack of pictures, I will try to not let that happen again.

Location: Second floor

Bowl: Covered in shit, literally. I went in to use the facilities only to see that someone had actually shit on the toilet bowl seat. 0/5

Area: Besides the shit covered seat it was a very clean bathroom. It was a bit cramped and you may have to brush asses with the person using the urinal which led to me being unable to do my business anywhere. Dimly lit as well. 3/5

Intangibles: Hostesses were hot but bitchy. For more on that see this.

Final verdict: It is hard to say anything besides Hold it considering the circumstances. If the toilet is cleaned I could give this an In and Out but we will have to wait for my next time there to see if that upgrade happens.

Bridget's Public House: Staten Island, New York

You can't use a new bowl in an old shit box.


Location: Across from bar, before steps

Bowl: Looks brand new. Look at that shitter it is gleaming. 5/5

Area: From the above picture you would think that it wouldn't be too bad. Unfortunately some pictures lie, behold the horror...















and
















No paper towels,I think the bottle next to what appears to be a bug trap is soap, something that appears to be a bug trap, a urinal that would give you a shy bladder and just an overall feel of a campsite bathroom. I wouldn't go to the bathroom with your equipment in here. 0/5


Intangibles: So shitty you are forced to go home, thus ensuing you don't spend too much money or get too drunk. So it's got that going for it. 0/5

Final Verdict: For all it's solitary plus of actually having a clean bathroom, the fact that it is disgusting forces you and everyone else you know to HOLD IT on this one. Of course this rule doesn't count for me since I have used it numerous times and I never felt quite right after doing so.

Luxor: Las Vegas, Nevada

What horror lurks in the shadows?

Location: By the exit of the More buffet in the lowest level of the casino.


Bowl: Ewww, what the hell is that? Is it fungus? Is it shit? Wait, is that fucking fungus? What the fuck is wrong with this place? 0/5

Area: Site lines are palpable, area isn't too cozy. Is it a fungus? 3/5

Intangibles: Just a blah bathroom put next to the buffet so that you don't shit your pants after stuffing your face. 0/5

Final Verdict: There is fucking fungus in the toilet and no this wasn't a single instance either as I saw it in every stall except for one...that one had a log of shit in it. For your future health please Hold it until you get either upstairs or to another casino, it is worth shitting your pants for.

McDonalds: East Village Manhattan

Some sights are not for the weak of stomach and some toilet bowls are not for the shy or small asses. So this is all wrong.

Location: In basement of McDonalds which is located on Broadway intersecting Waverly Place.

Bowl: Crooked and poorly installed but it is shockingly clean. The only real problem with the bowl is slight rusting of the pipes but that isn't too unexpected due to the fact that many drunk people have probably peed on them. 2/5


Area: Just look at the discoloration of the tiles, absolutely horrifyingly dirty . Added negative for being a door less stall which is just wrong since once you eat at Mickey D's it is only a matter of moments before you have to relieve yourself of it. Plus it is rather tight in there. 0/5

Intangibles: The picture above is of the sink area, you might as well wash your hands off by shoving it up your ass. Besides the dinginess of everything in the hole you also get the smell which consists of day old McDonald's burgers and a faint whiff of moth balls. Oh and the outer door does not lock which just about guarantees that you WILL have an audience during your BM. 0/5

Final Verdict: Look, there are some really great public bathrooms and I am not purposely going after the worst one's right at the start but I think we can all see from the pictures that this is a clear HOLD IT from a mile away.

Dakota Roadhouse: Downtown Manhattan

All tile, porcelain is nice and gleaming white, little area to do your business...so what is wrong here?

well first the little area is just that, as it is inside a 3 and a half foot wall with no door on it and...

No lock on the actual bathroom door! What a disaster.


Location: In back of bar located just behind a pool table so if anyone is playing pool they will know exactly what you are doing.

Bowl: Sparkling, I think this was because no one would feel too comfortable using it or maybe it was because the bar was dead. 5/5

Area: very clean but no privacy negates any goodwill that the cleanliness has provided. Why would a bar do this? 0/5

Intangibles: No lock on door, no privacy, sink located right next to the wall to destroy what dignity you did have left. 0/5

Final Verdict: I don't think you need my advice on this one as most people would be able to decide for themselves if they wanted to do the deuce here but if you have to ask, this is clearly a Hold It!

Brooklyn Brewery: Williamsburg, Brooklyn

One site of this and you have to wonder, what kind of desperate man would actually use a public bathroom at all?

Location: In back of Brewery behind the bar area.

Bowl: Piss covered...literally. If you look you can actually see the reservoir of urine at the back lip of the bowl. Thank god they don't technically serve food at the brewery. No back on the seat may actually be a blessing here. 0/5

Area: Nothing says inviting like stone floors. All in all unspectacular but it had no peak-a-boo cracks in the door which is a nice touch. 1/5

Intangibles: Smelled like piss, floors looked to be covered in piss and overall a blah experience. 1/5

Final Verdict: Really I don't have to look to deep here since THE TOILET IS COVERED IN PISS!!!! So here is a hint, don't fucking take a deuce here and just Hold it! Hell there has to be an alley close enough to get your business done.

Seacrets Resort: Ocean City, Maryland

The Horror, the absolute horror of this bowl makes my ass clench.

LOCATION: By the entrance close to Reggae stage

Bowl: Dirty, small and no back to the seat lead to an uncomfortable experience. The automatic flusher is a nice touch so that you don't have to touch anyone else's fecal residue. 0/5

Area: Rather cramped and again it is quite dirty, I mean look at that floor. Besides that, what you don't see is are the flies that fly around you which is a sure sign of a place where I can not get comfortable to do my business. 0/5

Intangibles: The shelf behind the toilet is a nice touch so you can rest your beer (as pictured above) and it could be used for a nice magazine rack if it were located at a bar/restaurant that did such things. The pole is not pleasant especially if you are drunk and look to it to regain from a drunken stumble as it could lead to splinters. The door (not pictured as I was walked in on by a person who worked at this establishment which forced me to flee quickly) was not flush with the walls which led to some sight lines for people to peak in on you, again uncomfortable. Finally, this is an outdoor bathroom close to a bar area (about 10 feet away from a bar) which is fine but the outer door (again not pictured) has opening at the top and bottom so if you are blowing ass you could also be blowing your chances with the hot girl at the bar, not fun. 1/5

Final Verdict: There really are no pluses here and way to many negatives so please hold it in. Is it worth the embarrassment or feeling dirty for sitting on this tattered throne when there are so many dark alley ways you can pop a squat in?