Boston Inn: Westminster MD

Did someone piss on the lights?

Location: In our hotel room

Bowl: A clean standard bowl so nice to use but it was a low flow which may be great for the environment but is terrible for a McDonald's attack. I don't have all day to flush a toilet. 2/5

Area: You can't tell from the yellow pictures but the walls are a nice shade of shit brown so when you combine the shitty lighting and the pissy walls you really have a strong reminder of why you are sitting there. Besides that it was clean and the bowl wasn't too cramped so it wasn't too bad. 4/5


Intangibles: Nothing to add, just a standard blah bathroom.

Final Verdict: If you can get past the yellow glaze on everything, the shit brown walls and the 15 minutes of flush time you will see a pretty solid bathroom. Hell, Bring a Video Game, because this is the best part of the room.

Bob Evans: Westminster, Maryland

And when your days are darkest a light shall lead your way.

Location: Behind hostess station in front of restaurant.

Bowl: Standard bowl, small shit residue but nothing to distract you from doing your business. 4/5



Area: This is one of the rarest public bathrooms, for as you see above this one has a door that closes flush. What does that mean? PRIVACY! Sweet glorious privacy. 5/5

Intangibles: The smell in this bathroom had a pleasantly faint smell of lemon but the perfection that the stall seems to exude is ruined by a sink that can only be classified as a disaster (unfortunately I was unable to get a shot) 1/5

Final Verdict: If not for the sink troubles we would have public perfection but instead we get an almost perfect Bring a paper. Still after eating your weight in breakfast foods how could you have a problem with that?

Seacrets Resort: Ocean City, Maryland

The Horror, the absolute horror of this bowl makes my ass clench.

LOCATION: By the entrance close to Reggae stage

Bowl: Dirty, small and no back to the seat lead to an uncomfortable experience. The automatic flusher is a nice touch so that you don't have to touch anyone else's fecal residue. 0/5

Area: Rather cramped and again it is quite dirty, I mean look at that floor. Besides that, what you don't see is are the flies that fly around you which is a sure sign of a place where I can not get comfortable to do my business. 0/5

Intangibles: The shelf behind the toilet is a nice touch so you can rest your beer (as pictured above) and it could be used for a nice magazine rack if it were located at a bar/restaurant that did such things. The pole is not pleasant especially if you are drunk and look to it to regain from a drunken stumble as it could lead to splinters. The door (not pictured as I was walked in on by a person who worked at this establishment which forced me to flee quickly) was not flush with the walls which led to some sight lines for people to peak in on you, again uncomfortable. Finally, this is an outdoor bathroom close to a bar area (about 10 feet away from a bar) which is fine but the outer door (again not pictured) has opening at the top and bottom so if you are blowing ass you could also be blowing your chances with the hot girl at the bar, not fun. 1/5

Final Verdict: There really are no pluses here and way to many negatives so please hold it in. Is it worth the embarrassment or feeling dirty for sitting on this tattered throne when there are so many dark alley ways you can pop a squat in?