Seacrets Resort: Ocean City, Maryland

The Horror, the absolute horror of this bowl makes my ass clench.

LOCATION: By the entrance close to Reggae stage

Bowl: Dirty, small and no back to the seat lead to an uncomfortable experience. The automatic flusher is a nice touch so that you don't have to touch anyone else's fecal residue. 0/5

Area: Rather cramped and again it is quite dirty, I mean look at that floor. Besides that, what you don't see is are the flies that fly around you which is a sure sign of a place where I can not get comfortable to do my business. 0/5

Intangibles: The shelf behind the toilet is a nice touch so you can rest your beer (as pictured above) and it could be used for a nice magazine rack if it were located at a bar/restaurant that did such things. The pole is not pleasant especially if you are drunk and look to it to regain from a drunken stumble as it could lead to splinters. The door (not pictured as I was walked in on by a person who worked at this establishment which forced me to flee quickly) was not flush with the walls which led to some sight lines for people to peak in on you, again uncomfortable. Finally, this is an outdoor bathroom close to a bar area (about 10 feet away from a bar) which is fine but the outer door (again not pictured) has opening at the top and bottom so if you are blowing ass you could also be blowing your chances with the hot girl at the bar, not fun. 1/5

Final Verdict: There really are no pluses here and way to many negatives so please hold it in. Is it worth the embarrassment or feeling dirty for sitting on this tattered throne when there are so many dark alley ways you can pop a squat in?

My Bathroom

There she is, the throne in my bathroom. The question here is if she is worth your ass time? So let's take a look at what we have here.

Bowl: A little dirty and kind of small for the larger asses out there. Also it doesn't seem to have been installed properly and any shifting by the user from one ass cheek to the other will lead to the bowl slightly moving. If cleaned up I give it a solid 2 out of 5 rating.

Area: All you have to do is look at the orange walls to realize that I rent, not that there is anything wrong with that. The floor is also a little dirty and could use a bit of cleaning. No toilet paper at the time of this photo but that problem has been since resolved. Finally let's take a look at the elephant in this tiny room, you are squeezed into your area which does not lend kindly to a relaxing time doing your business. Even if cleaned and with the TP roll replenished its still a substandard and uncomfortable area to use, 1 out of 5.

Intangibles: The smell in this room is decent so you aren't chased out unless you do so by your own stink. The real thing that helps this bowl standout from the rest is the back of the bowl library, Sports Illustrated, Gourmet, Rachel ray, Fantasy Football Mags, Men's Health, Runners World and a god damn cook book make this section second to none. 5 out of 5


Final Verdict: Not exactly the greatest of shitters but it is easily an In and Outer and depending on how you feel about the reading material provider could be a Bring the Paper kind of bowl.