Chipotle, St. Marks location; New York, NY

In space no one can hear you fart

Location: Corridor off to the side of the eating area. Next to the elevator, why there is an elevator is a mystery for another time.

Bowl: Standard bowl, clean and about 60 feet from the urinal. 4/5

Area: It looks like it has seen very little use which is strange considering the effects those burritos can have on someone. No walls or doors for the toilet area but this is not an issue because this is a one person bathroom and YOU have the key for it. I think I might move in with all of the space it offers. 5/5

Intangibles: I like the red brick liek floors, the metal sink left a little to be desired but did I mention, this is a bathroom built for 1! 4/5

Final Verdict: For a place that serves huge burritos you would expect a nightmarish bathroom that would close your bowels forever but the people at this Chipotle are doing their customers right by keeping it clean and making it personal. Be sure to bring your paper as you gear up for burrito 2 at Chipotle.

Staten Island Ferry (JFK Boat); New York harbor

I believe the toilet from Trainspotting has met its match

Location: First floor on the JFK boat, men's room

Bowl: It is missing the seat! I mean the review is over at this point but I guess we can continue, if you dare. 0/5

Area: Umm, there is no door so no privacy, the tp holder is a chain, there is NO door but it is very airy which is nice. 0/5

Intangibles: The sinks are nasty but you wouldn't use the bathroom here anyway so why would you use the sink? There are also no cowboy hats but there is no seat on the stall so there is no place for one? Oh, and it stinks! 0/5

Final Verdict: Are you still reading this with any sort of suspense? Hold it, don't even think about it and try not to even walk past it for it may haunt your nightmares for the rest of your life.

Waldorf Astoria; New York, NY

Class means never using the toilet for a #2

This is part 1, next we will have the ladies room which I hear is amazing but have not seen the pictures yet.

Location: First floor lobby area, close to 50th street

Bowl: Clean and small but with paper everywhere. Apparently someone wanted a bunch of free cowboy hats from the big city. 3/5

Area: The toilet covers where a mess and it looks like many were put back in the box making them unusable because who knows what was in there before me putting them back in the box. The area was also kind of tight and huge gaping opening for anyone to check you out while you were doing your business, not exactly a welcoming feeling.  Everything was in beautiful marble though. 1/5

Intangibles: Now what we don't see here is that the sink area is absolutely magnificent. Possibly the most beautiful sink area I have seen in a public bathroom ever. The soap was soap and not watered down, everything was immaculately clean and marble everywhere. I think i am in love. 5/5

Final verdict:  I actually believe that they made the bathrooms this beautiful and an non functional just so you will book a room there to check out what the room bathrooms look like. Unfortunately I don't have answers for this and can only say that the men out there better hold it when they come to this bathroom. 

Tropicana Casino and Hotel: Atlantic City, NJ

I believe there is a Kenny Rogers song about a bathroom like this

Location: Back of casino close to the penny slots, go figure

Bowl: As you can see from the video above, it appears that someone was so drunk they thought they could pull a double decker on a bowl with no tank on the back of it. The results...shot on the back of the bowl. Also the mettle appears to be rusted, or is that shit as well? 0/5

Area: underwhelming, tight, plenty of peep hole cracks which would have led to an uncomfortable session. 2/5

Intangibles: The soap was watered down, not just one of the soap stations either as I spent a great amount of time at this casino and all of them were like this. Besides that it was an average bathroom. 1/5

Final Verdict: I just figured out the title of the song is "The Gambler" and while he may have been talking about holding cards, when it comes to this bathroom you better just Hold It in.

Borgata Hotel, Casino & Spa: Atlantic City, NJ

Sometimes a beautiful picture from a far is ugly up close

Location: My hotel room on the 21st floor

Bowl: as the video shows, yellow piss stains mark a somewhat small bowl. Added bonus is that it is a low flow bowl making flushing it so much fun. 0/5

Area: It would have been better minus the hair and pee stain, this caused an issue because the toilet paper roll could not stay on it's holder so I may have wiped my ass with a hairy or piss covered piece of tp a few times. On a sunnier note, the toilet is in a separate area which is convenient if someone wants to take a shower or use the sink. 1/5

Inatngabiles: We asked them to clean the bathroom 3 times without andy action taken by the staff. We found makeup on a towel but there was a phone in the throne room! 1/5

Final Verdict:This is supposed to be a nice Casino especially by Atlantic City standards but when you want to use a toilet seat protector you know that you are better off just holding it until you can find a cleaner one at another casino.

Stella Marina Restaurant: Asbury Park, NJ

Why did I forget my Camera?

I apologize for a lack of pictures, I will try to not let that happen again.

Location: Second floor

Bowl: Covered in shit, literally. I went in to use the facilities only to see that someone had actually shit on the toilet bowl seat. 0/5

Area: Besides the shit covered seat it was a very clean bathroom. It was a bit cramped and you may have to brush asses with the person using the urinal which led to me being unable to do my business anywhere. Dimly lit as well. 3/5

Intangibles: Hostesses were hot but bitchy. For more on that see this.

Final verdict: It is hard to say anything besides Hold it considering the circumstances. If the toilet is cleaned I could give this an In and Out but we will have to wait for my next time there to see if that upgrade happens.