Applebee's; Staten Island, New York (New Dorp Location)

                                    The dark fury of an unkempt bathroom


This isn't so much a review of the toilet and the stall it resides in as it is for the bathroom itself and really there isn't much to say that the picture doesn't.

This was taken about 6 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon in a not necessarily packed Applebee's restaurant and yet no one could take care of this disgusting bathroom? This is only the tip of the iceberg too. There were more papers under the sink, paper towels were jammed in the automatic feeder and the toilet was used...USED! Disgusting.

Needless to say you should probably hold it if you hit this Applebee's and that is going to be hard because personally, if I eat their food it isn't staying with me for the whole ride home.

The Wharf; New York, NY

                                                                   Shown Actual size


Bowl: standard size bowl, clean 4/5


Area: I understand that space is at a premium in NYC but when the bathroom is so small that you feel like any sudden move is going to have you crash through the door is not good. It was moderately tidy butat this size you would pretty much have to try hard to not keep it clean.  1/5

Intangibles: Because it is so small there is no way you will have a pop in because if you did you would be pissing on each other 5/5

Final Verdict: If it were larger you could probably spend some quality time in this crapper but the feeling of claustrophobia hits quickly when you are standing to pee and your ass hits the door. So let's leave this as a In and Out kind of joint but on the higher side of the scale.

Double tree Hotel; Tarrytown, NY

Some signs make you wonder why they are there to begin with.


This was sent to me by my friend and friend of the blog Brian, he saw this picture and knew it needed to find it's way onto this page. Because of this I don't have a full review but I will do my best.

Location: In the main lobby

Bowl: Lacking 0/5

Area: Looks very clean and the sign appears to be put on straight 5/5

Intangibles: If you can't find humor in a sign like this then you sir have no sense of humor 5/5

Final Verdict: Really you have to Hold it when it comes to this bathroom but I wonder if some drunk guy missed the sign completely and necessitated the move by management to put up this warning sign. It is really a health and safety move anyway, piss on the floor is not very hygienic and without a wet floor sign, it is an accident liability as well.

Chipotle, St. Marks location; New York, NY

In space no one can hear you fart

Location: Corridor off to the side of the eating area. Next to the elevator, why there is an elevator is a mystery for another time.

Bowl: Standard bowl, clean and about 60 feet from the urinal. 4/5

Area: It looks like it has seen very little use which is strange considering the effects those burritos can have on someone. No walls or doors for the toilet area but this is not an issue because this is a one person bathroom and YOU have the key for it. I think I might move in with all of the space it offers. 5/5

Intangibles: I like the red brick liek floors, the metal sink left a little to be desired but did I mention, this is a bathroom built for 1! 4/5

Final Verdict: For a place that serves huge burritos you would expect a nightmarish bathroom that would close your bowels forever but the people at this Chipotle are doing their customers right by keeping it clean and making it personal. Be sure to bring your paper as you gear up for burrito 2 at Chipotle.

Staten Island Ferry (JFK Boat); New York harbor

I believe the toilet from Trainspotting has met its match

Location: First floor on the JFK boat, men's room

Bowl: It is missing the seat! I mean the review is over at this point but I guess we can continue, if you dare. 0/5

Area: Umm, there is no door so no privacy, the tp holder is a chain, there is NO door but it is very airy which is nice. 0/5

Intangibles: The sinks are nasty but you wouldn't use the bathroom here anyway so why would you use the sink? There are also no cowboy hats but there is no seat on the stall so there is no place for one? Oh, and it stinks! 0/5

Final Verdict: Are you still reading this with any sort of suspense? Hold it, don't even think about it and try not to even walk past it for it may haunt your nightmares for the rest of your life.

Waldorf Astoria; New York, NY

Class means never using the toilet for a #2

This is part 1, next we will have the ladies room which I hear is amazing but have not seen the pictures yet.

Location: First floor lobby area, close to 50th street

Bowl: Clean and small but with paper everywhere. Apparently someone wanted a bunch of free cowboy hats from the big city. 3/5

Area: The toilet covers where a mess and it looks like many were put back in the box making them unusable because who knows what was in there before me putting them back in the box. The area was also kind of tight and huge gaping opening for anyone to check you out while you were doing your business, not exactly a welcoming feeling.  Everything was in beautiful marble though. 1/5

Intangibles: Now what we don't see here is that the sink area is absolutely magnificent. Possibly the most beautiful sink area I have seen in a public bathroom ever. The soap was soap and not watered down, everything was immaculately clean and marble everywhere. I think i am in love. 5/5

Final verdict:  I actually believe that they made the bathrooms this beautiful and an non functional just so you will book a room there to check out what the room bathrooms look like. Unfortunately I don't have answers for this and can only say that the men out there better hold it when they come to this bathroom. 

Bridget's Public House: Staten Island, New York

You can't use a new bowl in an old shit box.


Location: Across from bar, before steps

Bowl: Looks brand new. Look at that shitter it is gleaming. 5/5

Area: From the above picture you would think that it wouldn't be too bad. Unfortunately some pictures lie, behold the horror...















and
















No paper towels,I think the bottle next to what appears to be a bug trap is soap, something that appears to be a bug trap, a urinal that would give you a shy bladder and just an overall feel of a campsite bathroom. I wouldn't go to the bathroom with your equipment in here. 0/5


Intangibles: So shitty you are forced to go home, thus ensuing you don't spend too much money or get too drunk. So it's got that going for it. 0/5

Final Verdict: For all it's solitary plus of actually having a clean bathroom, the fact that it is disgusting forces you and everyone else you know to HOLD IT on this one. Of course this rule doesn't count for me since I have used it numerous times and I never felt quite right after doing so.

Rosie O'Gradys: 46th street Manhattan

So I guess what I am doing here is reviewing something that has already been reviewed?


Location: First floor, back of the restaurant by the kitchen.

Bowl: The fun part is, the toilet paper was not only covering the top of the seat but was also below it. Oh and this is what it looked like when I walked in! I was wondering why the guy who walked out of teh bathroom looked more ashamed than usual. As for what I think about it, well if this guy felt that the bowl was THIS disgusting how could I go against him? 0/5
Area: I like what they have done with the bathroom, the shelf by the sink is perfect for a beer and the mirror is lighted which is good because it is kind of dark. It's a large room, too small for raquetball but big enough to move a garbage can so you can play basketball while you are doing your business. However it has some dirty tiles and is dark so it will lose some points. 3/5

Intangibles: Has a deadbolt lock and a high powered hand dryer, I like a bathroom that cares for your privacy and for your hands to dry in less than 5 hours. 5/5

Final Verdict: It is a solid bathroom that suffers due to it's poor main attraction. This is strictly an Aerial Drop but if the toilet were in better shape this could be a highly abover average crapper.

Killmeyer's Old Bavaria Inn: Staten Island, NY

It was a dark and scary bathroom but thankfully there was no shit monster located on the bowl.

Location: just passed the door that leads to the Beer garden

Bowl: While no toilet will ever be clean enough to eat off of this one isn't too bad. The fact that a previous urinator failed to flush should not detract from the cleanliness of this porcelain throne. 5/5

Area: Sight lines will almost always be a problem in public bathrooms it is as if the owners of these establishments want you to feel self conscious as you shit and this bathroom is no different. The bathroom also looks like it is being lighted to save energy, it is just a very dark bathroom which makes you feel as if you are shitting in a dirty gas station bathroom. So you get the feeling that someone is watching you while you shit in a dirty toilet and then you add claustrophobia into the mix due to how small the stall is, simply put this is not the best situation for which you can reflect on your day as you sit upon the pearly throne. 0/5

Intangibles: Nothing extraordinary here, just a plain old toilet stall. 0/5

Final Verdict: maybe if they put higher wattage bulbs in the bathroom and centered the toilet so that your leg wouldn't rub against the wall I could enjoy this toilet more. Hell, if they just turned up the lights I wouldn't have cared if the stall was cramped or not but they don;t and it is so this is an In and Outer.

Shea Stadium: Flushing, Queens

Looks like someone missed, with everything!

Location: Field level, behind home plate...by the good seats.

Bowl: Soiled with piss and some weird sort of orange baby puke type liquid. The weird part is, the seat is up so does that mean someone was drunk enough to try and shit without the seat being down? 0/5

Area: This is probably the brightest bathroom I have ever used in a stadium and besides the bowl being nasty this place is shockingly clean. Around the bowl there is some remnants of people who had pee'd in the past but that is only expected. The only main problem with the area is that there are sight lines in the door to make things uncomfortable. 3/5

Intangibles: No real pluses to this bathroom but you did get many screaming wahoo's in here that make your ass clench when you just want to get rid of that sausage and pepper sandwich you ate at the beginning of the game. 1/5

Final Verdict: The toilet in this particular stall is an Aerial Drop but if you found a clean one it may not be too bad. Still with the noise and sight lines plus the game going on you may just want to do a quick In and Out at Shea Stadium.

McDonalds: East Village Manhattan

Some sights are not for the weak of stomach and some toilet bowls are not for the shy or small asses. So this is all wrong.

Location: In basement of McDonalds which is located on Broadway intersecting Waverly Place.

Bowl: Crooked and poorly installed but it is shockingly clean. The only real problem with the bowl is slight rusting of the pipes but that isn't too unexpected due to the fact that many drunk people have probably peed on them. 2/5


Area: Just look at the discoloration of the tiles, absolutely horrifyingly dirty . Added negative for being a door less stall which is just wrong since once you eat at Mickey D's it is only a matter of moments before you have to relieve yourself of it. Plus it is rather tight in there. 0/5

Intangibles: The picture above is of the sink area, you might as well wash your hands off by shoving it up your ass. Besides the dinginess of everything in the hole you also get the smell which consists of day old McDonald's burgers and a faint whiff of moth balls. Oh and the outer door does not lock which just about guarantees that you WILL have an audience during your BM. 0/5

Final Verdict: Look, there are some really great public bathrooms and I am not purposely going after the worst one's right at the start but I think we can all see from the pictures that this is a clear HOLD IT from a mile away.

Dakota Roadhouse: Downtown Manhattan

All tile, porcelain is nice and gleaming white, little area to do your business...so what is wrong here?

well first the little area is just that, as it is inside a 3 and a half foot wall with no door on it and...

No lock on the actual bathroom door! What a disaster.


Location: In back of bar located just behind a pool table so if anyone is playing pool they will know exactly what you are doing.

Bowl: Sparkling, I think this was because no one would feel too comfortable using it or maybe it was because the bar was dead. 5/5

Area: very clean but no privacy negates any goodwill that the cleanliness has provided. Why would a bar do this? 0/5

Intangibles: No lock on door, no privacy, sink located right next to the wall to destroy what dignity you did have left. 0/5

Final Verdict: I don't think you need my advice on this one as most people would be able to decide for themselves if they wanted to do the deuce here but if you have to ask, this is clearly a Hold It!

Brooklyn Brewery: Williamsburg, Brooklyn

One site of this and you have to wonder, what kind of desperate man would actually use a public bathroom at all?

Location: In back of Brewery behind the bar area.

Bowl: Piss covered...literally. If you look you can actually see the reservoir of urine at the back lip of the bowl. Thank god they don't technically serve food at the brewery. No back on the seat may actually be a blessing here. 0/5

Area: Nothing says inviting like stone floors. All in all unspectacular but it had no peak-a-boo cracks in the door which is a nice touch. 1/5

Intangibles: Smelled like piss, floors looked to be covered in piss and overall a blah experience. 1/5

Final Verdict: Really I don't have to look to deep here since THE TOILET IS COVERED IN PISS!!!! So here is a hint, don't fucking take a deuce here and just Hold it! Hell there has to be an alley close enough to get your business done.