Applebee's; Staten Island, New York (New Dorp Location)

                                    The dark fury of an unkempt bathroom


This isn't so much a review of the toilet and the stall it resides in as it is for the bathroom itself and really there isn't much to say that the picture doesn't.

This was taken about 6 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon in a not necessarily packed Applebee's restaurant and yet no one could take care of this disgusting bathroom? This is only the tip of the iceberg too. There were more papers under the sink, paper towels were jammed in the automatic feeder and the toilet was used...USED! Disgusting.

Needless to say you should probably hold it if you hit this Applebee's and that is going to be hard because personally, if I eat their food it isn't staying with me for the whole ride home.

The Wharf; New York, NY

                                                                   Shown Actual size


Bowl: standard size bowl, clean 4/5


Area: I understand that space is at a premium in NYC but when the bathroom is so small that you feel like any sudden move is going to have you crash through the door is not good. It was moderately tidy butat this size you would pretty much have to try hard to not keep it clean.  1/5

Intangibles: Because it is so small there is no way you will have a pop in because if you did you would be pissing on each other 5/5

Final Verdict: If it were larger you could probably spend some quality time in this crapper but the feeling of claustrophobia hits quickly when you are standing to pee and your ass hits the door. So let's leave this as a In and Out kind of joint but on the higher side of the scale.

Double tree Hotel; Tarrytown, NY

Some signs make you wonder why they are there to begin with.


This was sent to me by my friend and friend of the blog Brian, he saw this picture and knew it needed to find it's way onto this page. Because of this I don't have a full review but I will do my best.

Location: In the main lobby

Bowl: Lacking 0/5

Area: Looks very clean and the sign appears to be put on straight 5/5

Intangibles: If you can't find humor in a sign like this then you sir have no sense of humor 5/5

Final Verdict: Really you have to Hold it when it comes to this bathroom but I wonder if some drunk guy missed the sign completely and necessitated the move by management to put up this warning sign. It is really a health and safety move anyway, piss on the floor is not very hygienic and without a wet floor sign, it is an accident liability as well.

Chipotle, St. Marks location; New York, NY

In space no one can hear you fart

Location: Corridor off to the side of the eating area. Next to the elevator, why there is an elevator is a mystery for another time.

Bowl: Standard bowl, clean and about 60 feet from the urinal. 4/5

Area: It looks like it has seen very little use which is strange considering the effects those burritos can have on someone. No walls or doors for the toilet area but this is not an issue because this is a one person bathroom and YOU have the key for it. I think I might move in with all of the space it offers. 5/5

Intangibles: I like the red brick liek floors, the metal sink left a little to be desired but did I mention, this is a bathroom built for 1! 4/5

Final Verdict: For a place that serves huge burritos you would expect a nightmarish bathroom that would close your bowels forever but the people at this Chipotle are doing their customers right by keeping it clean and making it personal. Be sure to bring your paper as you gear up for burrito 2 at Chipotle.

Staten Island Ferry (JFK Boat); New York harbor

I believe the toilet from Trainspotting has met its match

Location: First floor on the JFK boat, men's room

Bowl: It is missing the seat! I mean the review is over at this point but I guess we can continue, if you dare. 0/5

Area: Umm, there is no door so no privacy, the tp holder is a chain, there is NO door but it is very airy which is nice. 0/5

Intangibles: The sinks are nasty but you wouldn't use the bathroom here anyway so why would you use the sink? There are also no cowboy hats but there is no seat on the stall so there is no place for one? Oh, and it stinks! 0/5

Final Verdict: Are you still reading this with any sort of suspense? Hold it, don't even think about it and try not to even walk past it for it may haunt your nightmares for the rest of your life.